Hi!
*This is lots to read, you are in for a fun journey. If you tap out early I understand.*
For my birthday last year, I wrote a post about being 26 and loving myself and yada yada yada. And here is yet another post about my birthday, driven by my vanity. This year I enlisted my family and my close friends to share a snippet/ anecdote/ story about me. VAIN, RIGHT?! Lol. It started off as a way to kind of poke fun at myself, but these people of mine made it so much more. Well, most of them. But I will get to that. This weekend I get to celebrate with these wonderful people and chug more mimosas than one 27 year old body needs.
So let’s start with my oldest friend, Alexis Schwallier, the super talented photographer behind my photos.
ALEXIS
Being best friends means I have a lot of stories and a lot of wonderful memories. Like the time Tori and I were mad at each other but she still came to pick me up from a bar because I was stuck with a garbage person and without a car. Or the time she forced me out of bed to get Chinese food and watch Casper instead of wallowing. Or the countless times she has taken care of me drunk. Best friends do these things. They have your back even when they are mad at you, they take care of you when you’re a big drunk baby, and they make sure you aren’t a star collapsing in on itself when you made a mistake. They also provide endless hours of entertainment. There was the time parked in Five Points where she decided to (with purple cleaning gloves on) tell me she was a sociopath (she’s not) or being scared over rodents and other creatures most people find adorable. Tori also kills the bugs when I can’t because I try to act tough but I’m really not. We’ve been through a lot of birthdays. Her 21st when she didn’t listen to me and spent the whole day hungover, or the time we went to see Rihanna and I had to help her put her romper back on in the bathroom stall and once dressed, she proceeded to make bathroom friends with these strange white girls. Tori hates everyone but you get enough vodka in her and she’ll be everyone’s friend. For the people she doesn’t need vodka to love, she’ll love you fiercely.
*All of this has happened and more. She has seen me at my worst and best, and vice versa. A friendship for the ages. (insert shooting star because for whatever reason it feels appropriate.
DALLYN
*Next is Dallyn. He is my beautiful Virgo BB, that feels feelings and he felt them all over this wonderful essay he wrote for us. Dallyn truly outdid himself, in only the way he can. He made me laugh, cry, and snort in a matter of minutes. He had a lot of humor to share, so sit tight. It will be worth it!
Oh hello. I didn’t see you there. I was just kickin’ it thinking about my best friend, Tori….like I usually do.
You know, Tori is probably one of the funniest people I have ever encountered…don’t believe me? Let me tell you some quirky anecdotes from our 3 years of friendship so far. (Laughs warmly) Don’t worry, kiddo, I’ll include some great visual aides.
Quirky Tori Anecdote #1
Mine and Tori’s friendship began when our dear friend, Andersen, introduced us. Right away I knew that I enjoyed Tori for her humor, intelligence, and fine taste in music. We bonded over Beyoncé, Rihanna, and other high-society trappings such as Shiner Bock beer and Ruffles potato chips dipped in Dean’s Famous Ranch Dip…even though Tori is SEVERELY lactose intolerant…..she didn’t let a silly thing like diarrhea stop her from living her best snack life.
But I digress. Early in our friendship, Tori and I realized that we could reveal our true full-blown, stone-cold weird-ass selves with one another and it was a magical portal that we went through that there has been no turning back from.
One weirdo-revealing moment that comes to mind is a lovely summer day that Tori and Andersen joined me at my apartment complex for a dip in the pool. Tori did not have pool-ready attire, so I loaned her a pair of my swim trunks…and when I came out of my room from changing I witnessed an image that has become one of my favorite Tori memories. I have included it with this tale….you will see that it is nothing outrageous…merely a glamorous woman with men’s swim trunks up around her waist….it’s not so much the image itself that strikes me, but the expression of pride exuding from Tori’s face.
It. Is. Glorious.
Anyway, we went to the pool and drank tequila out of sippy cups and it was beautiful. We laughed and swam and drank and maybe peed a little….
Quirky Tori Anecdote #2
Tori loves her friends. But, what’s more, Tori loves having silly pictures of her friends to keep and laugh at from time to time. One of these pictures is of me….okay maybe there are several of me; only Tori knows for sure.
I don’t personally have said picture….but I am sure Tori will post it here without hesitation.
In this photo, Tori looks lovely (of course) and I look like a decrepit old man that she is visiting as community service at The Old Kuntz Retirement Home (that’s a Madonna reference…you’re welcome).
What I hate (love) most about this image is that it was the first time Tori’s mother had ever seen me. And upon seeing it she apparently asked, “Why does he look like that?”
Feel good moments.
Quirky Tori Anecdote #3
This final tale has got to be my all-time favorite and can only be best conveyed in video.
I was packing for a business trip and Tori came over to hang out before I would be out of her life for several days.
In the course of my packing, Tori turned on some Rihanna.
And then she began performing a magnificent routine that should really be included in RiRi’s next concert. You will find the video attached here and I hope that you enjoy the unbridled passion for the dance as much as I do.
So there you have it. Three moments from my cherished friendship with Tori. There are so many to choose from, but these made the Top for sure. I do hope you’ve enjoyed being witness to these illustrious moments as much as I’ve enjoyed sharing them with you.
Be blessed.
Dallyn “The Duchess” Ferguson 8000
Andersen
A lot of people don’t realize that Tori and I became friends purely through chance. We both needed a roommate during our last year of college, and Craigslist seemed to be the best option. Me and another girl decided to interview two different women for the third room in the house. I talked with the first option first and she was fine. At which point I called up Tori. I only remember the last question I asked her, which was whether or not she loved Harry Potter and she said yes, so I knew we had a solid foundation for friendship. But the first time I realized we actually could be close friends was a week or two after we moved in and we happened to be in the kitchen at the same time. For whatever reason, we ended up talking about feminism and the patriarchy and that was it. It also helped that she worked at Starbucks and always brought me chai tea latte mixes. Through the years we’ve traveled together, watched movies and TV, made dinner, brunch, danced, dated different people, listened to good music and drank A LOT. And throughout all that time I’ve learned a few things. She is smart. Her makeup game is snatched. She loves carbs. She is Black Girl Magic. She loves FIERCELY. Tori knows how to prioritize herself, no question. But when it comes to friends (and family), no one has your back like her.
So every day, but especially today, I’m glad she’s in my life. Happy birthday you tiny bb!
Tristan & Christopher
If you have made it this far, thank you…good looking out. This little tidbit is about my siblings who have had to endure every birthday with me, which I consider a National Holiday. When I requested anecdotes from them, they were not with the shits. And I understand, they have had to put up with my vanity and extraness for 27 years. So here I will include the screenshots of the conversation we had about it…
Malcolm
On my last post, I mentioned being in love with an actual person. This is the person. He kept his pretty simple, but I am looking forward to the extremely loving card he writes for me…lol pipe dreams.
I never carried this much chapstick before I met Tori…Vaseline, Eucerin, Aquaphor. I guess I never understood how deep moisturizing could get. Also, Tori’s greatest strength is when we are both just lounging, she knows exactly what she wants the moment I get up to get what I want, and the list grows with each step I take away from her. *Truuuuuuuu, said in my 2 Chainz voice.
MOM
*Saved the best for last. She didn’t even write all that much, but when I read it I teared up. We have come a longgggg way from adolescent and teenage Tori. She also sent me a dope baby picture that I will post too. I feel like its the actual embodiment of my entire personality in one image.
French fry loving, drama queen that loves her family. I love the makeup loving, beer-loving lady you have grown up to be. Always entering a room like “Kramer”.
THE END
Thank yall so much for reading. I am glad I did this, it was super super self-serving. But I also have gained a great appreciation for the time I get to spend with my people. Everyone, have a mimosa for me!
toriandrea 